


You Cannot Change What You Are, Only What You Do

by StarTravel



Series: Learning to Settle [2]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Daemons, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bad Flirting, Bickering, Canon-Typical Violence, Flirting, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 04:21:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16234109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTravel/pseuds/StarTravel
Summary: Everyone has a daemon and everyone has a soulmate or soulmates. The roads they take with both are rarely easy, especially not on Deep Space 9.





	1. Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Odo has two soulmates, though he only really understands his bond with one of them.

Constable, would it be okay if I asked you a question?” Ensign Heyward says with a smile that’s just a little too tight, hands shaking a bit as he leans in toward Odo instead of leaving his office, even though he’s already dropped off his report. Odo knows how this will go. Odo bites back a sigh alongside the urge to turn into a hawk or a pile of goo, a part of him already comforting himself with all the angry diatribes he can imagine Kira giving the ensign when he asks the inevitable. All of Starfleet does, eventually.

 “What is it, ensign? A security issue?” Odo asks crisply as he stands behind his desk, hand pressing flat against the table. Duo crawls down his arm to rest on the top of his hand, spreading out as much as she can. Ensign Heyward watches her closely, as though he might be able to solve his question if he just examines her closely enough. It’s worth a try, Odo supposes; it worked for Dax and Dr. Bashir.

 “No, it’s about Duo, actually.” Ensign Heyward tells him with a quick shake of the head. He opens and closes his mouth, as though trying to think of the right words to say. Finally he shrugs, wide shoulders splaying out as his daemon, a small scaled animal crawling up his cheek, turns her gaze over to him. “Your tribble.”

 “Yes, I know who Duo is, ensign.” Odo mutters in a gruff voice as he glances down at Duo pointedly. She preens as much as a tribble can against his his hand, flopping over so Odo can run a hand down her stomach too. She always did love a belly rub. He supposes it’s one of the reasons no one can tell what exactly she is.

 “Right, Of course you do, I was just wondering if - I mean-” The ensign splutters out, the blood seemingly running out of his face more the longer he speaks. Odo knows that look, the internal debate over if he should actually ask what’s on the tip of his tongue. Polite society says no. That infernal Starfleet curiosity and belief that they should have a say in _everything_ says yes. Most of them, including Ensign Heyward it seems, go with the second. “Is she a daemon or a pet?”

 “I’m not sure how that’s any of your business.” Odo snaps as he brings one hand down to rest on top of Duo, hands running through her fur protectively. Ensign Heyward pales a bit, taking a step back and holding up one hand, palm front in apology. Odo simply grunts in response. “Unless Starfleet has a policy I don’t know about?”

 “No, no, sir,” Ensign Heyward mumbles as he slowly inches out of the room, one hand wrapping around his salamander - that’s what those lizard things were called - protectively. He clumsily fumbles with his hands in the doorway until the door suddenly slides open, doorway filling with crimson as Kira pushes past the ensign with a stern expression that somehow makes the other man pale further. Odo had no idea Bolian’s could be such a sky blue. He’ll have to file that away somewhere.

 Odo watches the Bolian disappear into the hallway, practically running now that he’s had to face Odo’s blank face and Kira’s tight glare. They make a good team, the two of them. Odo sees why the universe brought them together, tied them with the daemon on her wrist and imprinted in the deepest part of his goo. He remembers seeing gold when Toral touched Duo for the first time, feeling connected and safe and like he belonged, the air smelling like nothing and everything all at once.

 Kira tells him it’s different for Bajorans, that there are two different types of bonds and they express themselves through different scents and images, though the sense of connection is the same either way. She’s never told him what type of connection they have, platonic or romantic, but Odo doesn’t think there can be much of a difference, if the feeling is the same. Either way it is love.

 “You could just tell everyone that Duo’s a daemon, you know.” Kira points out with a hint of a smile as she slides into the chair across from him, crossing her legs as she meets his eyes over the desk. Odo lets out a low noise in the back of his throat, bringing one hand down to run along Toral’s back until he lets out a low purring sound. Toral curls into a ball, Duo burrowing into her side. She fits perfectly in the space, and Odo can’t help smiling a little ruefully for a moment.

 “I don’t see how it’s any of their business.” Odo tells her with a quick roll of his shoulders, Duo pressing up more against Toral as though to hide from the world. Kira glances down pointedly, brushing her fingers over Duo’s head comfortingly.

 “I suppose it’s not.” Kira says after a moment with a slight smile, brushing her hand down and across Duo’s back. She brings her other hand down to rest next to his on the table, the side of their hands touching in perfect unison. It reminds Odo a bit of the way Cardassian friends say goodbye, pressing their palms flat against each other. He doesn’t mention that to Nerys though. “I just wish everyone could know her as well as I do.”

 “Maybe I don’t want anyone else to know her as well as you do.” Odo answers with a slight huff as he glances down at Toral, currently curled up on his desk and glancing down over the police reports along with Duo. Kira lets out a small sound that’s halfway between a groan and a laugh, but the smile on her face, warm and bright like the sun, makes Odo think she’s happy about that, about how much he trusts her. How couldn’t he though, when Kira was the first one to never ask what Duo was, the first one just to _know?_ “And it’s not as though Toral spends much time with anyone else.”

 “Maybe you’re right.” Kira murmurs fondly as she watches the two of them, Toral wrapping herself around Duo protectively. Then Kira grins at the same time Toral lets out a long purring sound, wrapping a little more tightly around Duo. “Though he has gotten to know Jaezen well lately.”

 “Well that’s something.” Odo grunts in a low voice, not sure if he’s pleased for the Major or … he’s not sure he feels jealousy like a solid does, but something of that nature. Duo seems to feel the same way, burrowing deeper into Toral’s side while she also let out small chirping noises of joy.

 “And we both know that Duo knows Lasha better than you’d like.” Kira teases as she leans in with a wide grin, Duo rolling up at the mention of her other soulmate. Odo bites back a sigh, because he doesn’t know _Lasha_ better than he’d like. Odo’s fine with Lasha, clever and quick and quietly protective of Duo in her own way. It’s the person she’s attached to that Odo wishes he could know a little less well.

 “I thought we agreed not to mention that.” Odo mutters as he brushes his hand over Toral and Duo at the same time, not able to stop the small, fond smile that comes over his face. Seeing them together like this every morning as the four of them go over the crime report has become one of his most treasured times, the part of his schedule he most looks forward to in fact.

 “You and Quark agreed not to mention it, I wasn’t part of the conversation.” Kira reminds him as she pats him on the shoulder, smile still so bright that he’d find it obnoxious on anyone else. On Kira it simply makes him roll his eyes at her words, because he thought it would be clear that if he _and_ Quark didn’t want to mention their bond, neither should anyone else. It wasn’t like it was anyone else’s business that the universe stuck them together. Kira leans in a bit, grinning a little more as she brushes a hand over Duo again. “Though I do have a hard time seeing how you could be soulmates with both of us.”

 “Trust me Major, so do I,” Odo says with a low sigh, hands curling around Toral and Duo protectively. He has no idea how he could be blessed with Kira and cursed with Quark, but Odo isn’t going to think about that right now. Not when Kira opens up the crime report with a decisive nod, expression all business as Odo starts his summary. The next few hours are just for the four of them.

 ****

 Odo walks down the promenade, a familiar pull he wishes he could ignore drawing him down the stairs - well through the vents, it’s faster - and down into the shipping dock, where he reforms right in front of Quark. Quark, the only other person whose daemon has made him see gold and feel safe, even though Quark should make Odo feel just the opposite. He’s a petty criminal who tries to make deals with people far above his level, and Odo has to protect him as much as he has to lock him up. It’s endlessly frustrating.

 “Quark, you’re not supposed to be here.” Odo walks towards Quark and Lasha, who is curled up around Quark’s shoulders, long silky tail hanging across his shoulder like a scarf. She immediately starts staring at Duo, who makes soft trilling sounds and slides down his arm towards her. Odo bites back a sigh and tries to focus on the issue at hand. Quark stealing. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with the Cardassian shipment made this morning, would it?”

 “Of course not, Lasha was just missing Duo.” Quark insists with a smirk as he takes a few steps toward Odo, Lasha walking down his shoulders and arms until she’s close enough to bat Duo on the head with one small paw. Quark grins in a way that sets off all of Odo’s nerves, shaking his hand even as he lifts his arm up so Lasha can press her head against Duo’s. Quark’s sharp gaze softens a bit at that, and Odo refuses to wonder if his did the same.

 “Of course.” Odo answers with a small hrrmph after a second, shaking his head as he watches Duo climb off his arm to sit on Lasha’s back. Quark picks them up suddenly, setting them down on the silver crate on the shipping dock. Duo is curling up against Lasha, picking at her fur until it shines a little more than before, the iridescent orange fur just a touch cleaner than it had been a second ago.

 “You’re going to watch us, aren’t you?” Quark groans in a low voice, shaking his head quickly as he sits down on the same crate, brushing his hand over their daemons. He meets Odo’s gaze, swallowing a bit as a familiar sparkle Odo tries not to think about too much comes into his gaze. “Make sure we’re not doing anything suspect.”

 “Something like that.” Odo grunts as he sits down on the other side of Quark, leaving just enough space between them for Lasha and Duo to curl up together. Quark runs his hands over Duo’s back, light purple nail polish - matching the trim on the edge of his vest and sleeves, which brush against Odo’s waist as he moves to pet Lasha on the head as well.

 “C’mon, couldn’t you just let us have this one? Soulmate to soulmate?” Quark asks in a low voice, grinning conspiratorially as he meets Odo’s gaze over their daemons. Odo flicks his gaze over to where Lasha has wrapped her tail around Duo, who’s currently cleaning that as well. They look almost sweet together, like that. Nothing like him and Quark.

 Odo grins back at him, slow and steady as he reaches his hand down to run it over Lasha’s back. Quark lets out a low groan, crossing his arms but not moving from the crate even though he’s been caught. Depending on when the Cardassian shipment comes in, the two of them could be sitting here like this for hours, daemons wrapped up between them and sharp words dancing together in the air. Odo doesn’t like the way that thought makes him smile the same way Kira’s warm gaze does. Not at all. “What would be the fun in that?”


	2. Staff Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian and Kukalaka face the senior staff sooner than he expected, and he has no idea how to explain well. Anything.

Julian barely pays attention to anything being said in the senior staff meeting (though he’s sure when he checks over today later, every word will be seared to his memories rather he wants them to be or not). He’d thought it was tomorrow this week, locking himself and Kukalaka away in the lab to do research and try to figure out what this all means. Kukalaka is a rabbit. He and Garak shared what might be the most awkward first kiss in history and Julian has no idea how to fix it. He doesn’t even know if Cardassians have romantic soulmates. And what about Miles, who already has a soulmate and kids to deal with, he doesn’t need to deal with Julian too -

 But all of those thoughts had to be put aside when the captain suddenly came over his commbadge, reminding him sternly that he should’ve been in Sisko’s office almost half an hour ago. And that’s how he found himself sitting there, everyone’s gaze glued to where Kukalaka sat between his arms, furred and a rich brown with long ears, and more than anything, _not_ a hummingbird.

 “Do we have any updates on the arrival of the biogel, Doctor?” Sisko asks in a voice that’s just a bit too casual, eyes locked on where Kukalaka presses her head into his palm. He’s pretty sure she’s trying to hide her face in his hand, and Julian can’t really blame her. He’d hoped to put off this confrontation for as long as possible, or at least get to do it one on one. But he had no good excuse for missing the senior staff meeting, and Miles argued it would be better this way, like ripping off a bandaid. Julian had the good grace not to point out that no one has used bandaids in over a century.

 “No, Captain.” Julian answers back as quickly as possible, meeting the other man’s gaze across the table steadily. The shipment wasn’t due to arrive for days. He knows that Sisko knows that as well as he does. That question was an icebreaker for the elephant - or in this case, rabbit - in the room. Julian doesn’t look away even as his hands curl in Kukalaka’s fur nervously. “Is there anything else?”

 Sisko takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment as though asking the prophet’s for strength. Then he meets Julian’s eyes again, gaze somehow at once chiding and compassionate as though ready to comfort as to lecture, depending on what was needed. Next to him, Alice lets out a low growl in the back of her throat, but there’s something almost soothing about the octave she chooses. “What happened to Kukalaka?”

 “She settled.” Julian explains with a hint of a smile, gaze growing fond as he flicks his eyes down to her and Murphy. Murphy presses her head up on the table by Kukalaka, glaring out protectively at the table almost in time with Miles doing the same. Julian grins fondly over at them both, brushing one hand across Murphy’s head, while the other stays firmly lodged against Kukalaka’s back. He hasn’t been able to let go of her since last night in Vic’s.

 “I thought she was already settled,” Jadzia says calmly, though her gaze is burning with unspoken curiosity as Jaezen shifts on the table trying to get a closer look at Kukalaka.  He’s a Trillian baskel right now, a parrot sized technicolor blue bird with a large pouch, the Dax daemon safely hidden from view. Even he’s never seen it the times he’s treated Dax. No one here has, except Jadzia and Sisko. Jaezen moves a bit closer to Kukalaka, eyes widening a bit as Murphy suddenly lunges forward and in front of her, protectively. Julian’s not shocked to find that Miles has also moved his chair so close that it’s practically pressed up against his own.

 “Hrrmph, it was obvious she wasn’t settled.” Odo grunts with a quick shake of his head, likely wanting to go back to their actual work. Julian lets out a small huff of surprise, not quite able to bury the offense that causes. He’s been so careful with hiding Kukalaka from the world that one of his soulmates didn’t know for sure for two years and one didn’t even _guess_ for almost four. Odo just shrugs, brushing his hand over Duo and glancing around the room. “I’m a changeling, I know these things.”

 “And you didn’t tell us?” Kira mutters in a low voice, giving Odo a tight glare, though there’s more forgiveness in it already than there is any of the looks he’s received from the Major. Julian supposes that’s part of the the benefit of being someone’s soulmate. And of not being the person who referred to her homeland as a frontier the first time they met, first impression hard to shake even now that Julian thinks she mostly likes him.

 “I thought you all knew and were being polite.” Odo says defensively, one hand curling a little tighter around Duo as though she can protect him from the major’s withering stare. Toral lets out a hissing sound as he lightly bats Odo on the arm from where he lies curled up between him and Kira.

 Kira takes a deep breath, hands sliding out with her palms flat against the table. She glances at Odo for a moment and then nods in quiet understanding, whatever annoyance there was with him and Duo already gone. Then Toral suddenly turns his head to stare at them, yellow eyes piercing through them both. Right, he and Kukalaka are the subject at hand, not Odo. “But that doesn’t make any sense!”

 “Of course it does, the doctor is a child.” Worf calls from where he sits between Sisko and Jadzia, gaze flicking over to Kukalaka with an understanding nod. Julian’s eyes widen, mouth falling open slightly as he pointedly ignores the rough laughter coming from Miles and barks from Murphy. Traitors. Did - did Worf just call him a _child_?

 “Thank you, Worf.” Julian mutters dryly as he swallows down all the sarcastic retorts swirling in his mind, clever as many of them are. Now is not the time to be pissing off the allies he has, depending on how the rest of this conversation goes.

 “Julian’s hobbies aside, that still doesn’t explain why Kukalaka was a hummingbird until today, when she showed up as a rabbit,” Sisko says in a firm voice, something almost grim in his eyes as he looks at Julian from across the table. Julian swallows and wraps an arm around Kukalaka protectively, the gleam of Alice’s teeth suddenly too bright across the table.

  Logically, Julian knows that the captain isn’t going to have his daemon _eat_ Kukalaka, but predator and prey instincts lingered even when they no longer had reason to, and even if they didn’t, Julian has been lying to the captain for almost four years. He and Alice have every right to throw him off this ship if they want to.

 “I was embarrassed, sir.” Julian tells him with a rueful smile, and that’s at least half the truth. Kukalaka shifts between his hands and Julian runs a comforting hand over her ears until she stops hopping in time with his left index finger drumming on the table. Sisko raises an eyebrow, gesturing for him to continue with little more than a nod. “I’m 30, my daemon should have settled over a decade ago.”

 “Then why didn’t she?” Worf asks without any inflection in his voice, though Julian swears he can see something almost like sympathy in Worf’s gaze. His targ Marya huddles against his leg and glances over at Kukalaka thoughtfully, almost in kinship - right. Klingons’ daemons didn’t settle until well into adulthood. It would’ve only been a decade or so since Marya settled. It couldn’t have helped Worf feel less alienated on earth.

 “I had some … personal issues to work out before I could accept myself fully.” Julian mumbles as he brushes one hand across Murphy’s back in a rhythmic pattern. Worf seems to accept the answer, turning to try and look over Odo’s shoulder at his security report, only to be blocked by Duo sitting on the top of the page. Everyone else’s gaze though, are still on Julian. Normally he’d rather enjoy that, but today it felt suffocating.

 “Such as?” Kira throws out in a terse voice, though the heat has died down in her eyes. She seems more curious and almost worried - Kira Nerys worries about him, who would’ve imagined - as she glances between him and Kukalaka. Kukalaka hides her face in the side of Murphy’s fur, and it takes a good amount of his willpower not to do the same. These are questions Julian not only can’t fully answer, but ones he doesn’t even like giving the half truths of unless absolutely necessary.

 “Hey, they’re called personal for a reason!” Miles snaps as leans in over the table, part of him and Murphy both hiding Julian from view, as though reading his mind. Or maybe just his emotions, if the wave of protectiveness he feels on the edge of his consciousness is anything to go by. He wonders what he and Kukalaka must be sending back to Miles and Garak to create that from _both_ of them.

 “Lets just say my parents’ weren’t very understanding and leave it at that.” Julian says in a clipped voice, free hand curling around the edge of the table like a lifeline. The other stills against Murphy’s fur, and when he looks up, everyone has finally looked away. Apparently all he needed to do was stop moving.

 “All right.” Sisko agrees with a quick nod, turning his gaze away from them and over to Jadzia. Jaezen leans over and presses her face against Alice, whispering something not even Julian’s ears can catch. Alice turns and looks at him, something almost sad in her gaze as she curls around the back of Sisko’s chair, pressing her head against his lap. Sisko runs a hand down her head, the same way Kira does to Toral when she’s agitated.

 “I like her.” Odo calls after a beat, drawing all attention away from Julian or Sisko and to him. Kukalaka pulls her head away from where it was still hidden behind Murphy, preening a bit. Julian lets out a small scoff, though he’s not quite able to hide the shy pride growing in his chest. Odo gives a firm nod, smile small and awkward as he glances over at Kukalaka again. She’s cute.”

 “Thank you, Odo.” Julian answers him with a bright grin, some of his nerves sliding out in the face of confused acceptance. Cute isn’t really what he expected his daemon to end up, back when he let himself think about what Kukalaka would be. He always hoped for an owl or maybe a Tartellan hawk, briefly a fox. A rabbit threw him through a loop, enough that he still hasn’t quite accepted that’s what Kukalaka is, is what Jules was, and apparently what he is as well. Kukalaka seems to catch his line of thought, moving to gently headbutt his arm, Murphy doing the same after a moment. Julian’s half worried Miles will follow suit.

 “It makes more sense than the hummingbird.” Jadzia muses from her end of the table, the curiosity in her eyes suddenly satisfied. Julian blinks a few times, hands coming away from Murphy and the table to start tapping again instead, mind racing at her words. When had she started to suspect that Kukalaka wasn’t a hummingbird? When or how had that seemed facetious and how could he either alter that behavior or start - except wait no. Julian doesn’t have to worry about that anymore. Kukalaka is assuredly not going to act like a hummingbird, because she isn’t ever going to be one again. Jadzia grins a little, shaking her head at him as she glances down at where his right hand had come up from tapping to prod gently at his daemon. “Her being a rabbit, I mean.”

 “And thank you, Jadzia,” Julian says back fondly, meeting her gaze from across the table once he comes back to his senses a bit. It will take time, adjusting to Kukalaka being settled and to everyone knowing that she’s not a hummingbird. But the warm acceptance in Jadzia’s gaze makes him think that will be alright, in the long run.

 The rest of the meeting turns back to discussing the threat of the Dominion, Julian mostly silent save a few remarks about the Jem Hadar. He is the foremost expert on them at his point, the only doctor on the alliance who’s been allowed to study their genetic makeup or treat them. Then the conversation turns to security issues and Julian lets himself drift until it’s over, carefully lifting Kukalaka from the table as he turns to go out the door. He plans to spend as much time as possible on research and surgery today.

 “Doctor,” Sisko calls as he reaches the door, tone making him stop in his tracks. Julian swallows deep in the back of his throat, holding Kukalaka a bit closer to his chest. He probably shouldn’t have expected to get away without giving at least a few more answers. Sisko and Alice are both too sharply focused for that, too parental. And, at least according to Worf, Julian _is_ a child. “I’m guessing there’s more to this story than you’re telling me.”

 “Yes, sir.” Julian admits in a tight voice, wrapping his arms around Kukalaka protectively. She makes a small noise, high-pitched and burrows her face against his chest. Julian wishes he could do the same. There’s not much that can stand up to that disappointed compassion in Sisko’s gaze, far more deadly than his aim with a phaser or his yell.

 “Will that being uncovered hurt anyone on this ship?” Sisko asks in a deceptively soft voice, not matching the steel in his gaze as he presses a hand against Julian’s shoulder. Julian takes a shuddering breath, glancing down to meet Kukalaka’s gaze, the unspoken question passing between them.

 Was it time to trust Captain Sisko with what they are? Julian knows, deep down in his gut, that Sisko wouldn’t betray them to Starfleet. He’d be rightfully furious at Julian for lying to him, but he’d protect him. But Julian’s lies aren’t just his own anymore. They’re Kukalaka’s and Miles’ and Murphy’s and Garak’s and Eyal’s lies too now. And Julian won’t drag them all down with him, won’t risk their safety if anyone beyond Sisko finds out and doesn’t feel as lenient as Julian’s instincts tell him Sisko will.

Besides, Julian’s instincts are the one part of him that have always proved fallible. There’s no reason to trust them now.

 “Only me.” Julian tells him in a firm voice, gaze steady even as he still omits as many truths as possible. It’s easier, when it’s to protect people he loves and not just himself. There’s still a surge of guilt, but at least now he knows it will only be until he can find a way to protect his soulmates. Garak and Eyal won’t be hard to convince to lie, once he reminds them that it’s to Cardassia’s benefit he doesn’t get himself banished from Deep Space 9 for a Starfleet Officer. Miles and Murphy will be harder, but Julian’s sure he’ll be able to find a way there too, given enough time.

 Sisko holds him there for a few moments, face almost impassive as he watches Julian. Julian stares back at him, flexing one hand and holding Sisko’s gaze without blinking for far longer than should be possible. Sisko nods without breaking eye contact, a quiet understanding coming into his gaze as he clasps Julian’s shoulder with his right hand. “All right. You’re dismissed.”

Julian nods wordlessly, watching Alice lean up to protectively run her sleek, thick body along Sisko’s side for a moment. Julian smiles down at her and then back at the captain, hands curling around Kukalaka. Then Julian walks out of the room, body slumping in relief once he’s out of sight. His secrets are less hidden but still safe, at least for now. Everything else can wait.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a series of fics set in the Daemon Universe created in Poor Unfortunate Souls, where everyone (or almost everyone) has a daemon and those daemons are often the marks on their soulmate indicating who their soulmates are. Soulmates have emotional and sensory bonds, though with relative limits. 
> 
> If you have any prompts or ideas you’d want to see in this universe, please let me know and I’ll try to fill them to the best of my ability!


End file.
